Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
