well I can't set my house on fire every night
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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