I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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