so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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