I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Farmville is her only friend.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
