it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
