my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
do herpes really smell.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
