his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
