She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
