when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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