Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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