Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
