I want to make a zoo with you.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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