I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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