Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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