Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
