32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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