6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
