This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you will always have a special place in my vag
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
