he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
