I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
