You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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