So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
