i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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