there's paper in my vomit.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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