You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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