every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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