I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
