now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
