My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
