i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
