im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
