I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
