Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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