Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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