$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
