it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
