Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
