Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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