Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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