you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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