Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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