Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
