Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
where are you?
Hypothermia
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
