And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
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No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
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Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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