Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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