You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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