I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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