My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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