My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
