I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i dont even know how to be here
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
