your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
