Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
