Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
