I think I died a long time ago.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
