just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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