Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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