i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
