dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
