Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
