what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
