I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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