I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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