i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
