I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
