its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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