It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
